The Worry Gene

When I was young I use to think my mom worried too much. I would think, "I'm not ever going to worry like she does!" She seemed to worry about everything, and it definitely got in the way of any fun. I was certain that I somehow missed that gene: the worry gene.

Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I learned what worrying really was. Part of it was that I couldn't stop reading. I read everything imaginable about pregnancy and babies. It was amazing to me how many things might cause me to have a miscarriage or whatever else. So I was soooo careful. No caffeine for this mom. No blue cheese...and thankfully no cleaning the kitty litter box. All of these things could clearly kill my unborn child.

Then Ross was born and the real worrying began. I was so afraid that he would stop breathing that I couldn't sleep. I wore glasses at the time (yeah lasik!) and I literally wore them to sleep so that I could easily check on him every five minutes! I was mortified of SIDS. In fact, the only way I could really get any sleep, was if my hubby (Kevin) drug the bassinet out to the living room and promised he would check on him continuously while I slept. It is as if my worry gene had been dormant and all of the hormones woke up the vicious beast.

At six months we were free and clear of SIDS so I was on to the next worry. Autism. After every shot, I watched him super closely. I watched for any signs. Ross only had one bad reaction to an immunization. He had a 103 degree fever for a few of the days afterward. But he seemed fine afterward.

I knew not to compare him to other kids, but it was hard not to. He really was so different, but he understood everything. He was so smart. He finally started talking at 18 months. See? He's just behind. He started saying sentences at about 2 1/2. See? He's just behind. He started saying "Look, Mommy!" at about 3. See? But at 3 1/2 he wasn't at all where he was suppose to be conversationally. He was academically ahead, but he still wasn't conversing. When he could recite entire books and tv shows, but he couldn't answer a yes/no question, I knew. I was still holding out for the "he's just behind" diagnosis, but, of course, that wasn't it at all. My biggest worry had actually come to light.

And of course, Ross's diagnosis brought worrying to a whole new level. I'm pretty sure once the worry gene rears its ugly head...it's there for good.