When Ross was diagnosed with Autism the only thing I knew to do was to read. This is not always the best thing, and, quite honestly, I should not have done it. But I wanted to make it alright, as all mothers want to do.
All of the books described what they called "stims." It's short for self-stimulating behavior. You know, like flapping of the hands or rocking back and forth. Ross didn't do these, so when any of the doctors or therapists asked if he had any stims, I always said no.
For reasons I'm not sure of, the folks at Son-Rise call these stims, "isms." It was not until they defined them for me, that I finally understood it. Isms are anything that Ross does that is repetitive and/or exclusive. Anything. So when I left Massachusetts I realized Ross had a ton of isms. I even recalled his early ones. The ones he did before we had a clue.
One hilarious ism was when Ross first began to stand and walk on his own. He would stand there staring off into space or watching television and play with his belly button! We all thought this was too cute, of course. Ross would also just lie on the floor wherever we went and just hang out there, checking everything out. In fact his first few weeks of preschool his teachers would ask me how much sleep Ross was getting at night because they thought he was tired. He just liked the view from the floor, I guess!
After I understood that isms were repetitive and/or exclusive, I would watch Ross with a different eye. Even though he would push his cars back and forth he never wanted me to do it with him. Exclusive. And although he loves to have me act out his videos and books with him, he does them over and over and over again. Repetitive.
And here's the deal...we all have isms! Yep! When we are checking our e-mail, surfing the Internet, watching t.v., twirling our hair, daydreaming — we are being exclusive/repetitive. When someone comes along and tries to pull us from our ism, it is a little annoying, but being neurotypical, we can transition. Those with Autism can't. That's the difference.
While most current "therapies" suggest that these repetitive behaviors are inappropriate and try to extinguish them, Son-Rise has a completely different approach. They feel that kids with Autism ism to somehow take care of themselves. For instance, when they have sensory overload they might check-out by isming. So Son-Rise has you join them!
And if you think about it, joining them is the perfect way to tell them some very critical things. Like that you love and accept them for exactly who they are, right in that moment. That you like the things they like. When you join anyone in the things they love, you instantly bond with them. It is no different with these children.
And almost magically, eventually the joining builds a bridge. Ross is becoming less and less exclusive right before our eyes and all we've done is JOIN HIM!
We are learning now how to take it to the next level — building upon the joining and then asking more from Ross, but it all begins with building that trust first. Joining does this.
Think about it, if all anyone ever told you, all day long, was that you needed to change...would you want to be a part of that world??
All I know is that I'm learning to LOVE and RESPECT my child as a human being. I want to take that from the playroom and incorporate that in all aspects of my life. LOVE and ACCEPTANCE...what the world would be like if we all were to live like that. Hmmm.
Even if Ross never recovers from his Autism, I know I'll love him and I'll join him. It gives me so much joy to do so.
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